Have you ever had someone you used to crush so much about and even thought dating or marrying them will be the best thing that ever happened to you, and then it didn’t happen but later in life you saw them again, and you had to ask yourself, “What in the world was I thinking”?
Now, that is what we call PERSPECTIVE & GROWTH. Was anything wrong with you at the time you thought they were everything you desired? No. But you were probably operating from a lower level of consciousness and awareness of Life.
This is why I personally don’t recommend that we make lifetime decisions when we’re too young to fully understand their implications and therefore not have a fuller comprehension of our own destinies.
Time after time, I keep reading in my inbox people whose lives have been painfully entrapped in dysfunctional relationships (especially marriages) where they feel stuck and have nowhere to turn, either because they made a permanent choice in the past that were premised on all the wrong reasons, or that their own worldview has expanded and now they realize that where they are destined to go in life is diametrically opposed to the kind of Partner they chose.
For example, a lady married a guy who looked promising but was very unambitious and also full of inferiority complex. At first, during dating, it didn’t look dangerous, but after 5 years of marriage with 2 kids, the harsh realities of life are now separating emotions from logic. The guy is jobless, doesn’t want to hustle because he wants an office, white collar job, and since he isn’t getting any of that, he is just relaxed, whilst the lady does all the work, toiling and doing multiple jobs to fix the home and feed the kids. She is exasperated, worn out, knacks red and getting older so fast.
The worst of it is that, this same man won’t even support the woman’s hustle; he will rather want to take advantage of the woman’s hard work and enjoy the AC, watch movies and care less how the kids fees will be paid.
There are instances also where the man is intimidated by the woman’s progress and begins to put impediments in the woman’s career path. She wants to go and do her PhD on Scholarship, she is not asking the man to pay a dime, and yet the Man is violently against it. To try and understand such situations is more difficult than finding a needle in a haystack!
And oh of course there are men also who wake up daily to see what they chose and ask themselves, “who sent me koraaaa to go and marry?” And some also keep wondering, “how did I find myself here and how did I end up with this kind of woman?”. Because they ended up with a drama Queen who is breathing hell upon their lives and nothing they do to alleviate the pressure works.
Many times the simple truth is, many people made choices for all the wrong reasons, sometimes out of immaturity, emotions, over-excitement, or social expectations – when society starts asking you, “So when will you settle down?”, forgetting that when you start facing all the challenges in the marriage, no one will come to aid you.
Imagine how difficult it is out there to make both ends meet and even survive, life in itself is hard by default, how cruel can one be to oneself to then make choices that will make one’s life even much harder?
The good news is that, there are also amazing choices and fantastic partners that make all the burdens you ought to carry alone in severe hardship look like a walk in the park.
But for certain partners certain people chose, their lives would have been worse! Which means that, the subject marriage in itself is not the issue but the quality of the choice you make? If you choose well, happy are ye, if you choose wrongly, then I feel so sorry for you, because what most do is to keep suffering silently and keeping up appearances to the public as though all is rosy in their marriage whilst they wither away in emotional attrition. Oh, and of course, there is that very few category who get to be given a second chance in life, either by an unfortunate natural demise of their partner or by termination of the marriage through the ruthless but sometimes necessary agency of divorce.
Choose well so you can live well.
Source: BigGodwim Martey
