To conclude this series of Unhappy Wife; Confused Husband letters, I bring you the Husband’s Response to Wife.
Here goes;
My Darling Wife,
Let me address the issues very briefly because I want us to go away for one weekend to sort matters out as fully as we can, provided you promise that you will not use tears to try to manipulate me.
Darling, I miss the pleasant, charming, young lady I fell in love with and wonder where from the negative, manipulative woman you’ve become. The lady I courted was not perfect but she was a lot more fun.
However, it is unfair to compare the lady I courted, with the lady who shares a bed with me.
Courtship and marriage are two different things. Love relationships evolve from one stage to another. What we demonstrate during courtship is the excitement of the birth of love. At that point, love is like a baby and needs to be fed, clothed, bathed, and pampered. As the child (love) grows, how the parents (partners) show their love and care, changes form.
In courtship, there is no security, words become important. But in marriage, there is security that does not need to be trumpeted with words.
1. You may want to hear I love you every day but it’s wrong to question my love because you don’t hear me say it. A woman cannot decide that her man loves her today but does not love her tomorrow. I find this “he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not-game’ unacceptable and it kills something in me every time. If after all, we’ve been through you insist on hearing me say “I love you” for you to recognize that I indeed love you, then I am sorry that we are not growing in our love relationship. Remember, men are like children. We keep doing more of what we receive praise for so affirm me when I act in love and I’ll look for more exciting ways of acting in love.
2. Why do men compliment other women and not their wives? Before a man buys a car, he may talk about the car’s looks. But once he buys it, the looks become secondary; he becomes concerned with the car’s engine efficiency, comfort, and security. Darling, how you look is secondary to how things are going in our relationship at that material moment.
3. Why do I withdraw and become cold? I do so because anytime I complain about something you’ve done to hurt me, my words are twisted and taken out of context and I find myself apologizing for words I have used in anger and the real issue is ignored. With time, I have decided to be quiet and suffer in silence since I can never win an argument with you. It isn’t the best way to deal with issues but I don’t also enjoy apologizing when I’m the one who’s been hurt.
I think a lot of the challenges we have in our marriage have to do with two things: How we manage our expectations of each other; and how we handle conflicts and problems. We both have work to do on both fronts. I am not making excuses. I am trying to help us come to a realistic expectation of each other.
Talking of expectations let me assure you that:
1. I’ll make an effort to remember our birthday. But if I don’t please don’t read too much into it.
2. From now on I am the dressing inspector in the house. I won’t let you step out of the house without letting you know what I think of our outfit. But please understand I cannot do this when I am upset.
3. When I get home, please give me time to unwind, have dinner in peace before you lunge into questions of the day
4. I am willing to work with you to find better ways for us to air our grievances without resorting to angry words and insults.
5. Let us address the minor issues as and when they come up so they don’t pile up and poison our love.
6. I challenge you to a month competition – let’s find ways of outdoing each other in showing love and making the other happy
7. I Love you. And if I don’t repeat it, it’s because I haven’t changed my mind
Your hopeful husband,
Barimah
Source: Uncle Ebo Whyte
